Don't Drink the Water

By Alan Smith

    "My husband and I were cleaning the church building one evening and our three-year-old son was 'helping' us. We walked up to the baptistry to make sure nothing was in the water that shouldn't be and our son said, 'You can't drink that water.' I asked him, 'Why can't we drink the water?' and he replied, 'Because it has sins in it.'" (taken from "A Sunday Afternoon With the Preachers' Wives")
    It does seem to make sense, doesn't it? If all our sins are washed away at the point of baptism (Acts 22:16), it's easy to see how a child could mistakenly think they just collect there in the water. If that were really true, it would be important to drain the baptistry frequently!
    I'm thankful, though, that those sins don't collect in the bottom of a pool of water. They don't get piled up in a closet somewhere ready to be pulled out at a later time like a load of dirty laundry. They don't get stored on a hard drive in case a "search" needs to be made to find them. No! Thank God, they are removed, blotted out, wiped clean by the blood of Jesus Christ, and we are able to rise from the water a new creature!
    "As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us." (Psalm 103:12)

- Alan Smith, minister for the Cruciform Church of Christ in Spring Lake, North Carolina, may be contacted at alansmith.servant@gmail.com or through the congregation's website: http://www.cruciformcoc.com/

The Christian Barber

    There was a barber that thought he should share his faith with his customers more than he had been doing lately.  So the next morning when the sun came up and the barber got up out of bed, he said, “Today I am going to witness to the first man that walks through my door.”
    Soon after he opened his shop the first man came in and said, “I want a shave.”  The barber said, “Sure, just sit in the seat and I’ll be with you in a moment.”  The barber went in the back and prayed a quick desperate prayer, saying, “God, the first customer came in and I’m going to share my faith with him.  So give me the wisdom to know just the right thing to say to him.  Amen.”
    Then quickly the barber came out with his razor knife in one hand and a Bible in the other, while saying, “Good morning, sir.  I have a question for you.  Are you ready to die?”

- via THE SOWER, a weekly publication of the Arthur Church of Christ, Arthur, IL. Ron Bartanen, who serves as minister and editor, may be contacted through the congregation's website: http://www.arthurchurchofchrist.com

Football

For those of you that watch football and know what these terms mean this might be funny:

Quarterback Sneak – Church members quietly leaving during the invitation.
Draw Play – What many children do with the bulletin during worship.
Halftime – The period between Sunday school and worship when many choose to leave.
Benchwarmer – Those who do not sing, pray, work, or do anything but sit.
Backfield-in-motion – Making a trip to the back (restroom or water fountain) during the service.
Staying in the Pocket – What happens to a lot of money that should be given to the Lord’s work.
Two-minute Warning – The point at which you realize the sermon is almost over and begin to gather up your children and belongings.
Instant Replay – The preacher loses his notes and falls back on last week’s illustrations.
Sudden Death – What happens to the attention span of the congregation if the preacher goes “overtime.”
Trap – You’re called on to pray and are asleep.
End Run – Getting out of church quick, without speaking to any guest or fellow member.
Flex Defense – The ability to allow absolutely nothing said during the sermon to affect your life.
Halfback Option – The decision of 50% of the congregation not to return for the evening service.
Blitz – The rush for the restaurants following the closing prayer.

- via The Lantern, Highway Church of Christ, Sullivan, IL  Visit their website as http://www.highwaycofc.com

Humorous Labeling

(I am told the following are actual label instructions on consumer goods. I'll have more later.)
On a bag of Fritos-"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." (the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap-"Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???..)
On some Swanson frozen dinners-"Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but it's just a suggestion).
On Sainsbury peanuts-"Warning: contains nuts" (talk about a news flash). -Selected

- via THE SOWER, a weekly publication of the Arthur church of Christ, Arthur, IL. Ron Bartanen, who serves as minister and editor, may be contacted through the congregation's website: http://www.arthurchurchofchrist.com

A Serious Question

At Hebrew School, the Rabbi finished the day's lesson. It was now time for the usual question period.

"Rabbi?" asked little Melvin "there's something I need to know."

"What's that my child?" asked the Rabbi.

"Well, according to the Scriptures, the Children of Israel crossed the Red Sea , right?"

"Right."

"And the Children of Israel beat up the Philistines, right?"

"Uh ... right."

"And the Children of Israel built the Temple , right?"

"Again you are correct."

"And the Children of Israel fought the Egyptians, and the Children of Israel fought the Romans, and the Children of Israel were always doing something important, right?"

"All that is correct," agreed the Rabbi. "So what's your question?"
"What I need to know is this," demanded Melvin.

"What were all the grown-ups doing?"

- via THE SOWER, a weekly publication of the Arthur church of Christ, Arthur, IL. Ron Bartanen, who serves as minister and editor, may be contacted through the congregation's website: http://www.arthurchurchofchrist.com

The Comforter

One Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about in Sunday school. The daughter answered, "Don't be scared; you'll get your quilt." Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed.

Later in the day she saw the child's class teacher and asked her what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about. She said, "Be not afraid; thy Comforter is coming."

- via THE SOWER, a weekly publication of the Arthur church of Christ, Arthur, IL. Ron Bartanen, who serves as minister and editor, may be contacted through the congregation's website: http://www.arthurchurchofchrist.com

The Biblical Scholar

A nice girl brings home her fiancé to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man. He invites the fiancé to his study for a chat.

"So, what are your plans?" the father asks the fiancé.

"I am a Biblical scholar," he replies.

"A Biblical scholar. Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she's accustomed to?"

"I will study," the young man replies, "...and God will provide for us."

"And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?"

"I will concentrate on my studies, God will provide for us."

"And children? How will you support children?"

"Don't worry, sir, God will provide."

The conversation proceeds like this, and each time the father questions, the fiancé insists that God will provide.

Later, the mother asks, "So? How did it go?"

"He has no job and no plans, but the good news is he thinks I'm God."

Kevin Rayner preaches for the Highland church of Christ, Tecumseh, OK. He may be contacted through the congregation’s website: http://hcoct.org/