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Monday, April 11, 2011

Premarital Fantasies And Marital Realities

By Lance Cordle

She married him because he was such an assertive male; She divorced him because he was such a domineering husband.

He married her because she was so gentle and petite; He divorced her because she was so weak and helpless.

She married him because he could provide a good income; She divorced him because all he did was work.

He married her because she was so attractive all the time; He divorced her because she spent too much time in front of the mirror.

She married him because he was so romantic and sociable; She divorced him because he was such a fun-loving playboy.

He married her because she was so quiet and dependent; He divorced her because she was so boring and clinging.

She married him because he was the life of the party; She divorced him because he was such a dud at home.

He married her because she was so sociable and talkative; He divorced her because she could only discuss trivia.

She married him because he was such a good athlete. She divorced him because he was either playing or watching sports.
He married her because she was so neat and organized; He divorced her because she was too compulsive and controlling.

—David Olsen, Developing Skills for Life, Life innovations, Inc.

Comments:
We have all heard of “rose-colored” glasses. This is the tendency we all have to minimize the negatives of a person we highly value. In dating relationships it is manifested in the ability of one or both potential marriage partners to see outstanding traits from the positive side only and give little or no attention to the possible negative aspects of constant demonstration of those traits.

In facetious style, the writer above observes that some of the very things that couples might point to as building-blocks in their forthcoming marriage, may indeed be stumbling-blocks. So, what’s a young person to do in looking for a mate? Should they not be pleased with positive qualities? Let me offer a few suggestions:

1. Take your time in dating a person. Allow yourself to be with that person in many different types of situations (not sin, of course). Observe how their “positive traits” play out in those situations. Check and see if those traits become annoying over a period of time.

2. Seek the opinion of someone you trust—a friend, relative, counselor. If they do not see your “significant other” on a regular basis, give them all the pertinent information (positive and negative) about them as you can. Take their opinion seriously.

3. Force yourself to be realistic—there is no such creature as a perfect person, male or female. Be as honest as you can, and list (in mind or on paper) their positives and negatives. View both as things you must live with for a LONG time. If you are not willing to do so, WALK AWAY before marriage. It is far better to endure short-term heartache rather than lifetime misery.

- Lance Cordle, editor of The Family Friend, a monthly newsletter published by the Calvert City church of Christ, Calvert City, KY. It is an excellent resource for articles relating to the family. To learn more consult the congregation's website: http://www.calvertchurchofchrist.com


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