Newly Issued Alcohol Warnings

By Larry Pasley

 

    The American Board of Health has proposed that warning signs be placed on all alcohol bottles to tip off drinkers about the possible peril of drinking a pint or two of any alcoholic beverage.

    1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with a breath that could knock a buzzard off a wreaking dead animal that is one hundred yards away.

    2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.

    3. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to assault you

    4. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

    5. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you really think of him.

    6. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead.

    7. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Psycho Bob.

 

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    The above may be comical but the problems caused by alcohol is no laughing matter. Proverbs 23:29-35 has some warnings for those who drink also. I will put them in the same format as the above.

•     Warning: Consumption of alcohol brings woe.
•     Warning: Consumption of alcohol brings sorrow.
•     Warning: Consumption of alcohol causes contentions.
•     Warning: Consumption of alcohol causes complaints.
•     Warning: Consumption of alcohol brings “wounds without cause”.
•     Warning: Consumption of alcohol causes redness of eyes.
•     Warning: Consumption of alcohol bites like a serpent.
•     Warning: Consumption of alcohol stings like a viper.
•     Warning: Consumption of alcohol causes your eyes to see strange things.
•     Warning: Consumption of alcohol causes your heart to utter perverse things.
•     Warning: Consumption of alcohol causes you to do dangerous things.
•     Warning: Consumption of alcohol causes you not to feel protective pain.
•     Warning: Consumption of alcohol brings a desire for more and more in spite of the problems it causes.

    Proverbs 23:29-35 Who has woe? Who has sorrow? Who has contentions? Who has complaints? Who has wounds without cause? Who has redness of eyes? 30 Those who linger long at the wine, Those who go in search of mixed wine. 31 Do not look on the wine when it is red, When it sparkles in the cup, When it swirls around smoothly; 32 At the last it bites like a serpent, And stings like a viper. 33 Your eyes will see strange things, And your heart will utter perverse things. 34 Yes, you will be like one who lies down in the midst of the sea, Or like one who lies at the top of the mast, saying: 35 "They have struck me, but I was not hurt; They have beaten me, but I did not feel it. When shall I awake, that I may seek another drink?"

    Two other verses in Proverbs warn against alcohol.

    Proverbs 20:1 Wine is a mocker, Strong drink is a brawler, And whoever is led astray by it is not wise.

    Proverbs 31:4-5 4 It is not for kings, O Lemuel, It is not for kings to drink wine, Nor for princes intoxicating drink; 5 Lest they drink and forget the law, And pervert the justice of all the afflicted.

    May we realize the dangers of consuming alcohol and its addictive nature.

- Larry Pasley serves as a minister with the Jackson Street Church of Christ in Alexandria, LA. He may be contacted through the congregation's website at http://www.JacksonStAlex.com